complicated, miserable, messed up!

dear diary,
skrg kan, otak dah bedengung laa. dulu before keputusan matrix kuar, hati ni dah bulat nk g dip. tp skrg, after few things happened, rasa mcm down gila gila gila! masa check dpt matrix ritu, mmg syukur la, kiranya mcm org kata, satu dah ade dlm tgn, tunggu rezeki lain plak, and then plih.

check dkt website upu, result upu dpt awal of may. hopefully awal betul la. i mean before 10th. sbb on d 13th nak g buat umrah. :) 10th tu nk kne daftar for matrix - if i decided to go for it la. tp until now, 3 days after result matrix kuar, memang xde jwpn yg tetap la. asked few people around me, tnya advice diorg which one should i go kan. memang byk advices they gave for BOTH. kiranya dua dua ade pros & cons. cuma ramai kata matrix berat ckit dr dip. sbb dip kan masa dia lama ckit dr matrix so kira belajar xtension sgt.

kalau pegi matrix, memang ctu ramai classmate yg dpt skali kat kuala nerang tu, eyka, shera, fahmi & syed. eyka dgn shera nk pegi. fahmi dgn syed d last time i talked to them, diorg pn xdecide lg. kiranya bla ade kwn tu smgt la ckit. bnda susah jd sng. sbb dah knl diorg kan.

kalau pergi dip. memang langkah sorg sorg la. dlu plan nk g dgn choda tp choda dah buat keputusan nak go for matrix. memang keputusan masing masing la. jealous dgn choda, jap je dah leh buat keputusan. tp nk positivekan mind ni, g mne pun kawan tetap ada. tp tu la. knowing me, susah la nk trust org skrg. kita pun xtau ape yg ada dlm lubuk hati jantung diorg. kalau ade sorg yg sama pun dah kira rahmat la. ade jgak smgt. tp nak wat cmnekan.

so skrg, masih xde keputusan. but deep inside my heart & everytime before tido, minx petunjuk dr ALLAH mcm dah nmpk je nk plih yg mana. tp still nk fikir betul betul. takut salah pilih jalan. menyesal xguna plak nanti. dah la mak dgn walid dah xde anak dah after me. m d last one standing. hehe. :) so mmg nk buat keputusan utk kebaikan semua.

oh ya, in my family campur tolak darab bahagi cousins suma, mostly go for dip. ade yg masuk matrix a month je. xtahan pressure and then dia kuar go maktab perguruan. ramai jugak jd pelarian cmtu. mcm xthn. tu yg i went around tnya diorg betul betul kan.(i asked ppl who went to matrix) tp ade jugak yg suruh go matrix sbb save masa. after kira kira, kira total save a year la. tp tula, pendapat masing masing. mana tau if i go matrix, i can stand d pressure kan. thanks a lot sbb sudi share. br lah bleh get some rough ideas kan. :)

mak dgn walid mmg serah bulat bulat for me to decide. diorg xnak influenced. tp they did give me lotsa advices. thanks mum & dad sbb u guys didnt let me HANYUT alone. hehe.

so now, its either matrix or diploma. insya'Allah keputusan tu akan wujud la few days lg. hehe. harap sgt result diploma kuar before 10th.

p/s : if dapat diploma, minx minx la tmpt tu best best. :)